The Daily Hilario: Thursday, Thursday, Thursdayyyyawn...

Ugh, Thursday.

In other news...

Please make you spot fixing less obvious, Mr. Referee | SB Nation
Dude sends player off rather harshly just 20 seconds into the match. I mean, come on; do y'all not care about pretenses in Colombia?

BEERGATE! | SB Nation
A sports arena fleecing sports fans on beer?! Scandalous! Here's the follow-up, wherein the arena graciously (without charging extra!) switches to 24oz. cups for the large beers.

Gold in the Mud | SB Nation Longform
Subtitle: The twisted saga of jailhouse boxes James Scott's battle for redemption. I was not familiar with this story at all, but it's a good read.

Everything you wanted to know about holding your breath underwater | io9
Step 1: Be batshit crazy.

Gus Kenworthy puppy update | @robindmacdonald
One little puppy didn't make (apparently it got sick and for some reason the authorities wouldn't let Gus's friend take her to a vet), but the rest have now been transported from Sochi to Colorado. Yey!

FOOTBALL (all times GMT):
18.00: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: Ludogorets vs. Valencia
18.00: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: FC Porto vs. Napoli
18.00: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: FC Basel vs. Salzburg
20.05: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: AZ vs. Anzhi
20.05: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: Olympique Lyonnais vs. Viktoria Plzeñ
20.05: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: Sevilla vs. Real Betis
20.05: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: Tottenham Hotspur vs. Benfica
20.05: Europa League, Round of 16 first leg: Juventus vs. Fiorentina