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The Daily Hilario: Defense ain't easy

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans. Welcome to the new tradition.

Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Right after I finished looking at and writing about Chelsea's goals conceded record, I went to play my weekly co-ed indoor game. It served as a harsh reminder that defense ain't easy: 8-0 to the bad guys. This Petrus is doing a good job of washing my frustrations away though. Yey, Petrus!

In other news...

Happy Hossa Day! | SB Nation
For he is Marián Hossa and you are not. BLACKHAWKS RULE!

Ratchet Olympics | SB Nation
Sochi is shaping up to be the best Olympics ever. And by best I mean the worst. I'm sure the actual competitions will be amazing as ever though.

Speaking of which, here's a cool feature on the US Olympic hopefuls | SB Nation
If you're into that sort of thing, dude. Or you could just follow DP's Guide to Rooting. It goes like this: Curling - Good-looking Canadians or fancy-pants Norwegians; Hockey - Slovakia and Czech Republic, in that order. Then Captain Serious; Biathlon - anyone; All skiing events - anyone; Snowboard things - Shaun White; Speed skating - root for drama. The End.

It's early, but I'm comfortable declaring this the greatest own goal scored in all of 2014 | SB Nation
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa. Wow.

David Beckham gets MLS's Miami expansion team | SB Nation
To no one's surprise. Yey?

FOOTBALL (all times GMT):
19.45: Eredivise, 1st vs. 8th: Ajax vs. Groningen