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By your tabloid powers combined, I am Petr Cech to Arsenal for £7m!

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THE POWER IS YOURS!

Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images

Captain Daily Star Mirror Mail Sun Metro, they're our heroes
Gonna turn tabloid rumors up to eleven with many zeros.
They're our powers magnified
And they're fighting on the page-clicky side.

Captain Daily Star Mirror Mail Sun Metro, they're our heroes
Gonna turn tabloid rumors up to eleven with many zeros.
Gonna help them put us under
Bad rumors that like to loot and plunder (our thoughts and brain cells).

"You'll pay for this Captain Daily Star Mirror Mail Sun Metro!"

These EARTH-ly rumors started a few days ago, thanks to The Sun.  The Mirror then caught WIND of them and reported them as well.  Were the rumors made up?  Who knows.  It was too late.  Before anybody could get into any hot WATER, the pages of the Daily Star (and the Metro, no doubt citing each other) burned with the FIRE of a thousand tabloids as the words of an "agreement in principle" between Chelsea and Arsenal manifested themselves both in print and online.

I tried to fit HEART in there, but I coudn't.  Not really a surprise, HEART never quite belonged.

So, basically, as far as I can tell, nothing has changed since the weekend.  The only thing we know -- and I use "know" very loosely here, like, say, knowing what's inside the event horizon of a black hole -- is that The Sun ran with a rumor of Arsenal getting "ready to swoop" for the Chelsea backup goalkeeper.  Whatever that means.  Though if you're all the other tabloids, it means that there is an agreement.  For £7m.

Transfer rumor cold fusion will one day power the universe.

NB. I'm not sure how this would make me feel if for some reason that I can't quite fathom it actually comes true.  (Čech doesn't want to move to be a backup anywhere; Chelsea don't want to sell him anyway.)  Therefore, I'm choosing to go with what seems more much obvious to me, that this is just Silly (Pre-)season being especially bored Silly (Pre-)season because of the international break.