The Daily Hilario: Old comforts, new paradigms, Matchweek 23

I've been on a Belgian sour kick lately, or as they're colloquially know, the KDB of beers! Imma juss kiddin. Best of luck, KDB.

So, the Petrus, especially. Oh, so good. Initially I liked just the standard ones, but my palate slowly drew me towards the sour black cherry ones. Oh man, sour cherry. Makes the world go around, like the spice melange. The key to heaven indeed! Tonight however, tonight I went with some old comforts. A sixer of Pilsner. The key to my heaven.

Yummy yummy. Say it in the German guy's voice from Super Troopers. Always.

In other news...

Juan Mata set to make debut vs. Cardiff City | ESPN
New paradigms.

Leighton Baines signs contract extension with Everton | SB Nation
This probably rules out any big-money move for the 29-year-old left back, which should make every party in need of left back reinforcement turn their full attention to Luke Shaw. The next chapter in the United-Chelsea transfer wars begins here. Although, I think Azpilicueta would do just fine for now and in the future as well for us. So maybe just stay in the hunt until United have to pay over the odds for the young Englishman.

Kuba out for the season | SB Nation
Clearly, Klopp made a deal with the devil last year and now Lucifer's coming back to claim his tithes.

Arsenal ditch the swoosh for the cat | SB Nation
Puma will take over at Arsenal starting next season. This deal is insane. They've even promised to fix that zipper. Inconceivable!

ZLATAN shills for Volvo | SB Nation
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY. I tell ya what, it's a good thing there isn't a Volvo dealership for a considerable distance around here, or I probably would've bought three by the time the commercial ended. And I don't even like Volvos!

No Diggity, Ted Ligety | SB Nation
No, it's most definitely a war crime. In related news, Chauncey Black is flat broke and needs your donations. Send money now before he destroys another classic in the name of cheap, crap clothes. I mean, dude. What a tune. When we were young.

FOOTBALL (all times GMT):
19.45: Premier League, 7th vs. 20th: Manchester United vs. Cardiff City
19.45: Premier League, 12th vs. 8th: Norwich City vs. Newcastle United
19.45: Premier League, 9th vs 1st: Southampton vs. Arsenal
19.45: Premier League, 15h vs. 17th: Swansea City vs. Fulham
20.00: Premier League, 16th vs. 11th: Crystal Palace vs. Hull City
20.00: Premier League, 4th vs. 6th: Liverpool vs. Everton