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The Daily Hilario: Oscar nominees, ankle injuries, press conferences

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans. Welcome to the new tradition.

Chelsea's number one canine fan.
Chelsea's number one canine fan.
Dávid Pásztor

Báró, pictured above, had to be a brave little (well, big) doggie on Wednesday as he went in for his ultrasound.  My wife feared the worst: a very specific sarcoma that most commonly affects Bernese mountain dogs and often manifests initially in joint swelling and front limb weakness.  Fortunately her fears were unfounded, and it turned out to be just the partial tear of a ligament that was causing his limp and the sudden drop in energy levels.  Combine that with the Matic signing and Wednesday was truly a day to celebrate life and happiness.  Although he does look a bit silly with a shaved patch on his left shoulder.

In other news...

Neymar ankle is the new Beckham metatarsal | SB Nation
And this is why you don't play your biggest stars and best players against worthless opposition in the second leg of a cup tie that you're already winning 4-0 from the first leg.  In a World Cup year nonetheless.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Salomon Kalou has done so well in France that transfer rumors simply won't leave him alone | Mirror
Kalou dearest, please don't go to Spurs.

Clayton Kershaw will get $30m/year to throw a baseball into a glove | ESPN
Seven years, $215 million; highest ever for a pitcher.  If you're Clayton's long-lost third cousin twice removed, now is the time to cash in on your estranged familial ties.

Spencer Hall walks a mile (probably less) in another man's pants | SB Nation
Spoilers:  $8 pants from Walmart are crap.  Appropriately enough, Banana Republic is putting Harbaugh's strange choices to good use in some fun marketing.

2014 Oscar Nominees | The Oscars
None of these movies have ever scored a blockbuster against Juventus though.  And I've only seen two of the seven best picture nominees (American Hustle, Gravity), so I have some catching up to do.

FOOTBALL (all times GMT):
10.00:  Jose Mourinho press conference (Chelsea TV live link)
19.30:  Ligue 1, 4th vs. 3rd:  ASSE vs. Lille
20.00:  La Liga, 14th vs. 8th:  Málaga vs. Valencia