The Daily Hilario: The sensation of anticipation; the anticipation of sensation

It's Tuesday; do you know where Nemanja Matic is? How about now? Is he in London? Where did he fly from Zurich yesterday? Did he go back to Portugal? Did he? Has anybody seen him at Heathrow? How about Cobham? Has he had a medical? Have we agreed a transfer fee? How do you not know this? How? All this time, what have we been training you for? What? No, really? WHAT GOOD ARE YOU!?

In other news...

Cristiano Ronaldo wins 2013 Ballon d'Or, is "World's Greatest" | Managing Madrid
There. Happy now? Can we please stop the whiney-whiney for a while then? Yes, ok, we'll give you another one after Messi wins the next four in a row. By the way, you should read that article regardless of how much like or dislike CRISTIANO Ronaldo.

A helpful guide to hat angles by Spencer Hall | SB Nation
From real life to thug life, now you know.

Cubs unveil creepy new mascot, Internet does horrible things to it | SB Nation, Deadspin (NSFW)
Freee caaannndyyyy! I don't think this is going to help with the curse, dear people in charge of baseball's most hilarious franchise not named the Astros or Mariners.

Astronomers say they've found a rogue planet with no sun | io9
That's no moon planet... Start fueling up those X-wings, boys!

Game of Thrones season 4 first trailer | YouTube
The war's not won...

FOOTBALL (all times GMT):
19.45: FA Cup, third round replay: Fulham vs. Norwich City
20.00: Coupe de la Ligue, quarterfinal: Bordeaux vs. PSG
20.30: Copa del Rey, round of 16 second leg: Atlético Madrid vs. Valencia (1-1 on agg.)