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Robin van Persie taps up Wayne Rooney, urges striker to stay

"Please stay on our island made of jellybeans, Wayne!"

Meanwhile, Shinji cries like in Evangelion.
Meanwhile, Shinji cries like in Evangelion.
Alex Livesey

What the Wayne Rooney transfer saga lacks in craziness, it's making up via simple, classic human endurance.  And with Mourinho in it for the long haul, the light at the end of the tunnel may not be getting much closer anytime soon.  Our hunter-gatherer ancestors would be proud.

That being said, one of my favorite sideshoots of the whole thing is Roy Hodgson inserting himself into the conversation, presumably in an attempt to feel important.  International management is quite boring, after all.  Roy the Inconsequential has been publicly commenting about his fears that the Chelsea contingent - all of whom were called up by him to the squad - will whisper sweet nothings into the ear of Wayne Rooney - also called up by him to the squad (while injured nonetheless ... yeah, "injured," that's what I said) - as they play a useless match against Scotland.  Here's a thought, Roy, if you're so concerned, why call them up?  Rooney even had a ready-made excuse (as did Lampard)!  Oh Roy, why don't you just stick to pushing some more paper around...

So amid this sudden desire to create some sort of tapping up controversy - we are eeeevil Chelsea, after all; tapping up is our middle name, right? - here comes Arsenal's United's knight in shining armor, ready to whisper his own sweet nothings.  And by whisper I mean talk to The Sun.

"Everyone wants Wayne to stay and deep down I think he feels the same."

"One of the reasons I joined Manchester United was to play with Wayne."

"I hope he stays. Not only is he a great goalscorer, he does so much work across the pitch."

"He hates to lose and that's why you see him one minute pressing for goal, the next minute defending ferociously. He is an asset to any team."

"He will come good again. He is a strong lad."

-Robin van Persie; source: Sky Sports*

Francesco Totti did this much better, by the way.

* I wonder how The Sun feels that their EXCLUSIVE RvP quotes, hidden behind a stupid pay-wall, were aired to the public anyway by Sky...

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