The shorn crown of this grossly inept Norwegian shone indelibly in the afterglow of such a mighty victory, a stunning triumph over tournament favorite, ladies man, and all-around scumbag, Rio Ferdinand.
Ferdinand was seen as the winner of this competition before this competition was even conceived. The man, even in the wake of the Luis Suarez-directed sequel to Zombieland, incited a particularly vile form of vitriol from a massive cross-section of the WAGNH readership. Not a cross-section, actually - more like the entire readership.
In that sense this win is an even more stunning one for Mr. Ovrebo. The 46-year-old, next seen in the anticipated sequel to 2011's successful film adaptation of Thor, has, just as he did at Stamford Bridge on 6 May 2009, completely overcome the odds to astonish, baffle and bemuse even the most ardent of his supporters.
It seems as if the man's incapacity for rational thought and action will never, ever be forgotten.
A detailed look at how the final unfolded, and just how close it was:
Total votes: 1,580
Total votes: 813
Total votes: 767
Since the conclusion of the competition, the tributes have been pouring in, from near and far. In a rare display of wit, FIFA President Sepp Blatter called Ovrebo's victory a [fun]ing disgrace. Cheeky bugger.
Runner-up Ferdinand said he was "shocked and devastated" when he heard the
verdict final whistle. Didier Drogba, meanwhile, was unavailable for comment.
Below are some of the other choice tributes that have surfaced in recent days. It's a smorgasbord of hate from some of the best, most famous peeps in the business.
Dear Mr. Ovrebo,
I used to hate you. But then I realized that I didn't. I couldn't. What you did at Stamford Bridge was so painful for me and for football that I can literally no longer feel emotions about it anymore. I hope you have a nice day. Everyone deserves nice days. Even if they are evil robots sent to destroy humanity. The evidence doesn't look good for you on that score, I'm afraid.
I actually saw Mr. Ovrebo at the grocery store this morning and tried to offer him my congratulations on defeating the detestable Rio Ferdinand. I waved at him from across the parking lot, but he didn't see my attempt to flag him down. I shouted his name, but he didn't hear me. I ended up running up to him and trying desperately to grab his attention, but security hauled me away and told me I can't shop at that store for six days (they ended up reducing it to just four). What a [fun]ing disgrace.
You know, it's an imperfect world, but it's the only one we got. I guarantee you the day Tom Henning Ovrebo is no longer needed to keep the peace, I'll start making bricks and beams for baby hospitals.
Congratulations, Tom Ovrebo!!! (BTW do you go by Tom or Tommy? Or would you prefer me to address you as Mr. Ovrebo?) I don't know what you did in order to win this award. My therapist tells me it's because I have repressed some traumatic memories from the recent past. Because they are so painful, she explains, I have shoved them in the darkest corners of my mind. She said it explains why my body starts to shake uncontrollably whenever Gerard Piqué is involved in some kind of handball situation during Barca games. I have no idea why. Anyway, you must have done something special to beat out the likes of Rio Ferdinand - RIO [FUN]ING FERDINAND!!! I wish to forgive you one day but first I must remember what you've done, which, my therapist tells me, is a long journey ahead. Wish me luck! And, again, congrats!
I have several close friends of Norwegian descent, and yet, because of Ovrebo, I can no longer truly trust them. It's not that I find Norwegians to be shifty or anything, but I assume an inherent level of gross incompetence in them. That's how much I dislike him. I dislike an entire nation of people because of his awful refereeing. That's awful, but, dammit, so was he. He was so awful that he couldn't even lose to Rio properly.
Ask any bastard, any real bastard. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning's winning.
I am absolutely furious that Rio Ferdinand did not win the title. No matter what Ovrebo did to Chelsea, he just can't usurp a man who looks like Voldemort. Also, he has a stupid goatee. Rio Ferdinand is an awful human being and has a stupid Twitter account and should have won. That said, when you search for Ovrebo on Google Images a really creepy photo featuring the Norwegian seemingly trying to seduce someone with his whistle is the first result, so subjecting me to that kind of visual torture makes him a worthy winner.
Tom, its me Devin. You don't know me and I'd rather keep it that way. Let me just say, for the record, that you appear on the surface to be a nice guy. If I didn't know any better, I'd have no problem with you officiating a match for my club. But then again, you're forever going to be known as 'that guy'. So as you wind out the twilight of your career, toiling away at whatever it is you're able to do, just know that we, I, the many in Blue will never forgive you. Never. We've won the Cup since you cruelly denied us the chance to play for it, but that doesn't mean the wounds have healed. They never have, though I suspect in time they eventually will. Oh, and for the record, I hate your face.
Ol' boy Tommy sat on a wall.
Ol' boy Tommy had a great fall.
And all the king's men and their horses
Said [fun] it, he's only Tom Henning Øvrebø.
Sir Alex Ferguson
On you go. I'm no [fun]ing talking to you. (Ovrebo's) a [fun]ing great referee. Yous are [fun]ing idiots.
See you next season.