On the weird Azpilicueta transfer rumour

It's May, and May means I can start talking about hilarious transfer rumours with reckless abandon. After all, the season's basically over, and although Chelsea have a Europa League trophy and a top four slot to play for, acknowledging that that's important makes me feel like an Arsenal fan (apart from the 'trophy' bit), so I kind of feel like the season is already over. Any season in which we play Basel on May 2nd is by definition not a good one.

But anyway, I know you're here for the hilarious transfer rumours, so here you go. I can't dress this up any more amusingly than it's already presented, so I'll let Football Italia speak for themselves:

Fiorentina are said to be preparing a €7m offer for Chelsea full-back Cesar Azpilicueta.

...

Chelsea paid £6.5m when taking him from Olympique Marseille in August 2012, but he has had a mixed debut campaign in the Premier League.

It’s reported they could be willing to release him for just €7m – approximately £6m.

I shouldn't be mean to FI here, because they're only reporting what's being said in the Express. Actually, no, reporting what's being said in the Express is stupid and they fully deserve meanness. So, here's the deal: Any player regularly starting for Chelsea Football Club is not going to be sold to Fiorentina. Especially not when he's twenty-three years old and has been with the team for one season.

So yeah I guess stop being stupid, Football Italia people. That would be good. I'd ask for the Express to stop being stupid too but I think that paper is run by malevolent robots programmed to irritate anyone with an IQ over eight.