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Please stop choking Victor Moses!

Meet Victor, a twenty-two year old wing-forward at Chelsea Football Club. He sometimes scores goals. He's then "lovingly embraced" by the vicious zombie horde of his Chelsea teammates.

By David Pasztor
  • EXHIBIT 1: NOV 3, 2012; SWANSEA John Obi Mikel gets the ball rolling, with an assist/hold from Gary Cahill and a random fan
  • EXHIBIT 2: NOV 7, 2012; SHAKHTAR Just four days later, Cahill, with perfect technique, graduates to primary lead. Juan Mata with the assist
  • EXHIBIT 3: JAN 5, 2013; SOUTHAMPTON A look of terror on Moses's face, as David Luiz is caught in mid grapple, the right arm swinging in for the close. Juan Mata once again chips in with the assist, while Demba Ba wonders what sort of shenanigans his new club gets up to...
  • EXHIBIT 4: FEB 27, 2013; MIDDLESBROUGH Starting to learn his lesson, Moses goes on the offensive and tries to head off an attack from Eden Hazard. He's not successful (not pictured).
  • EXHIBIT 5: APR 4, 2013; RUBIN KAZAN: Fed up with being left out of everything for so long, Benayoun joins the action. Zorres with the distracting hug-trap assist.

  1. Moses has scored seven total, twice managing to escape the chasing pack of long arms and diabolical hugs. And you wonder why he's so reticent to shoot sometimes...
  2. Apparently we can do a gallery now? Be sure to hover to read the descriptions.
  3. Moses's first season goal total compares quite well with his recent predecessors at Chelsea: Robben (9), Kalou (9), Duff (6), Malouda (4), J.Cole (3), Zenden (3), Gronkjaer (3), SWP (0).

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