Welcome Distraction Saturday / Last vs. First / Premier League Open Thread

I have a bad feeling about Sunday ... that's no moon ... that feeling of getting blasted to Alderaan-sized bits and smithereens by the sun crusher lasers of Aguero, Yaya, and Co, attorneys at Chelsea destruction. But since that special doom is still about a 24-hour hyperspace jump away, let's enjoy distract ourselves with some tasty* Saturday football action in the meantime.

* it's a Torres sliding scale

The early kickoff sees Fulham host America's Team, quarterback style. I tried to think of something to say about Fulham but I don't even have a good grasp of their general league position. I could look at the table ... but that's way more effort than I'm willing to put into Fulham. Yawn. Hi Damien Duff! Sorry I caused your sale and end of your Chelsea career by buying your shirt...

A bunch of slightly less yawnish things are set to happen at the traditional 3 o'clock spot. While most of the matchups are fairly straightforward, we can always hope that Arsenal clown about some more and fail to destroy Aston Villa at home or that last place QPR pulls off an FM-style upset of first place Manchester United. Other matchups include Norwich vs. Everton (blah), Reading vs. Wigan (too soon for a relegation six-pointer?), and Romelu Lukaku vs. Sunderland.

Elsewhere across Europe, Chelsea B take on a Greek God (or Heracles just some chump team?) in the Netherlands, while Kevin de Bruyne has the unenviable task of facing Bayern Munich. Real Madrid and Barcelona have matches scheduled as well (although not against each other), while both Watford (Chalobah) and Middlessborough (McEachran) will be in action in the Championship.

Discuss.