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Two-goal man of the match Samuel Eto'o continues the Chelsea striker parade

Clive Rose

1. SAMUEL ETO'O - ST 8.5
Minutes played76
Nice things2
All of a sudden, Chelsea's strikers are playing a game of "anything you can do, I can do better."  Newcastle blip aside (which was a blip for just about everybody involved), Torres's scoring antics - of both the "believe goal" and of the "excellent finish" kind - have now been matched by Eto'o.

With Demba Ba also scoring one his trademarked falling/flailing-acrobatic-capoeira-goals to make it 3-0, Chelsea's trio of strikers have now accounted for 9 of the 31 total goals scored this season.  That's almost 30%.  By Chelsea's standards, that has got to be outstanding, no?

2. WILLIAN - AMR 8.2
Minutes played90
Nice things4
My wife and I went to Whole Foods the other day and as I often do, I camped out in the beer section while she roamed the aisles looking to spend my moneys on locally sourced, edible grains and meats and dairy whatnots.  When we met back up near the registers, she could not understand the giant grin on my face.

"Look," I said holding up a tiny, 11oz. brown bottle with a yellowish label on it, "look at it, isn't it awesome?"  She took the bottle with a quizzical look on her face, examined it for a few seconds, and without a single lightbulb illuminating, she handed it back to me with a shrug.  That's when she saw the price.  "$4.49," she exclaimed, "is it liquid gold!?"

"No, honey, it's a Petrus Aged Pale, and it was the last one on the shelf.  And now it's all mine.  MINE!  'The Key to Heaven.' ALL MINE!  Mwaahahahahaha..."

Minutes played90
Nice things2
See Dave, see Dave on the bench.  No, wait, wrong Dave.

See "Dave," see Dave run.  See Dave tackle.  See Dave tuck his shirt in.  See Dave play out of position.  See Dave close down.  See Dave drawn out of position.  See Dave with creepy grin on his face.  See Dave handle Julian Draxler no sweat.  See Dave "handle" Julian Dra... ooh, free slashfic idea; you're welcome! See Dave form capable defensive duo with Schürrle.

See Dave: the new Paulo Ferreira.

Cech (7.8), Terry (7.6), Cahill (7.7), Ivanovic (6.6), Mikel (7.1), Ramires (7.0), Oscar (6.8), Schürrle (7.2)

Ba (7.5), De Bruyne (6.3), Lampard (6.7)



  • Willian (4)
    1. 23' - sexy backheel flick
    2. 29' - he's here, he's there, he's everywhere; he wins the ball back again
    3. 54' - the burst of lightning speed to get on to Oscar's pass ahead Schalke defender; and then he's in and plays a perfect pass to Eto'o
    4. 59' - threads another one through, like, four defenders, switch play out wide to Schürrle
  • Mikel (3)
    1. 17' - makes the best pass of the game yet for Chelsea; and by best I mean a pass with actual purpose and with some skill and invention behind it.
    2. 38' - so fresh, so clean, so strong
    3. 39' - so fresh, so clean, so tricky
  • Schürrle (2)
    1. 18' - lovely flick to Eto'o whose return ball is just behind the German streaking into the penalty area
    2. 20' - öh hëllö Schürrle frëë kïck
  • Azpilicueta (2)
    1. 19' - finally figures out his timing on making appropriate runs at the appropriate time; wins free kick in dangerous position and gets a booking for Draxler
    2. 36' - yet another great closing down and duel win well inside Schalke's own half.
  • Eto'o (2)
    1. 31' - Haha Hildebrand.  Partial credit to Mourinho.
    2. 54' - now THAT is how you finish
  • Oscar (2)
    1. 69' - drops deep and links with Mikel & Schürrle to get Chelsea out of trouble with some lovely one-touch passing
    2. 70' - sweet chip over the goalkeeper to put the ball in the net ... buuuut he's offside.
  • Onesies
    • Cech, 52' - it's not really a Chelsea match until Cech makes at least one excellent save; here's this one from Draxler
    • Lampard, 83' - making quality passes since, like, forever; even gets a shiny official assist on this one
    • Ba, 83' - I think he should trademark the falling-down-shot like Bale tried with the hand-heart celebration


  • Azpilicueta (2)
    1. 6' - keeps getting beat when he pushes up and closes down just a bit too enthusiastically; two-three times already in the opening few minutes...
    2. 9' - once again caught super high up the pitch; Schalke counter and win a corner
  • Ivanovic (2)
    1. 27' - not sure if he has a repelling force field around him, but that's about the third pass intended for him that goes straight out of bounds
    2. 47' - it's not really a Chelsea match until Bane hilariously mishits another cross, this time squibbing it into the feet of the defender in front of him; at least he collects his own rebound
  • Onesies
    • Mikel, 8' - a horrendously heavy touch gifts the ball to Schalke; Fuchs drags his shot well wide fortunately
    • Schürrle, 33' - why not pass it sooner?  Azpilicueta was wide open initially, running up the left wing.

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