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Wonderful, wondrous, Bosniak wonder Senad Lulic is apparently the cure for all of Chelsea's ails


Paolo Bruno

I think we've hit the low-point of the international break.  Right... NOW.

Real football is so close to being back - so close! - we can almost taste it (yes, it does have just the slightest aftertaste of potential bitterness in there).  But first, we must hit rock bottom.  Or, as they said in The Dark Knight, the night is always darkest before dawn.  Or some such cliché.  This is such an awesome opening paragraph.

Perusing the Chelsea headlines tonight, I happened across this one from Here is the City"Chelsea may catch The Train." Good job, Mr. Headline Writer, you got my click.  Turns out that "The Train" is (apparently) the nickname of one Senad Lulic, Bosnian "midfielder."

That last bit is important.  I was picturing some South Slav Yaya Toure at this point, assuming that 'The Train' wouldn't be given to a six-foot tall player weighing 170 pounds.  That's Fernando Torres territory, or about four inches and a good 20-30 pounds below Yaya Toure territory.  Talk about a letdown.  Not as bad as the 12-1 defeat I suffered earlier tonight in indoor sah-kerr, but a letdown nonetheless.

It gets funnier from there.  So Lulic is an AARP-ready 27 and plays for Lazio.  Here is the City called him a midfielder, but really, he's more like a winger.  Or perhaps a left back.  The original "source" for this rumor lumped him in with none other than Philipp Lahm (pause for laughter as you consider the possibility of Bayern selling Lahm to Chelsea).  A grueling few minutes of research - many, many Bothans died - tells me that Lulic mostly plays left wing for Lazio although recently he's shown more as a left wingback with Lazio switching to a 4-3-3 formation (hello there, bestest formation).  Most definitely not Yaya Toure.  Or even Luka Modric.  Or even Sami Khedira (get well soon!).

The best the part is, if you do a Google search for 'Senad Lulic Chelsea' to see if any other outlets have picked up on this (spoiler alert:  they haven't), you'll find that we have been linked with him before, back in May.  Except back then the in vogue* thing was to link us with every single striker on the planet, and so Lulic was billed as a striker, too!  How amazing is that??  He can play it all!  He's the new Ashley Cole!  He's the new midfield controller-general that we need!  AND he can be the squad's emergency Drogba (break glass in case of Cup Final)!

Senad Lulic, the cure for all of Chelsea's ails.  Sign him up!

* I almost always spell this as 'en vogue' at first.  I just want to make it clear that, my loving, you're never gonna get it.

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