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Wallets and watches and phones, oh my!

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Laurence Griffiths - Getty Images

There's apparently a sneak-thief at Cobham! And guns! And knives! And smoke grenades! And the Daily Mail making a really big deal out of something that's probably not important at all, painting Chelsea's training ground as a less sandy-filled Mos Eisley after some personal goods belonging to players was taking during a training session.

A number of personal items were recently stolen from the academy dressing room area. The matter is currently being investigated by the police. CCTV footage is being handed to them and confirms the thefts were carried out by a lone intruder not connected with the training ground site.

Other local premises near to the training ground were targeted that day and may be connected. Nobody at Chelsea FC is under suspicion.

-Chelsea FC spokemans. Source: Daily Mail

Prediction: Everything will be found in David Luiz's hair and this will turn out to be the result of a perming accident. Or Marko Marin took them all looking to trade them for a Deku shield. I don't know. I don't care. If stuff has actually been stolen, it'll be replaced. If it's a prank, it's not a big deal. Pretending that Cobham is some wretched hive of scum and villainy because of this? Gimme a break.