According to The Guardian, the latest step in Chelsea's plan to take over the world is a bid for Bayer Leverkusen's Andre Schurrle. You may remember Schurrle by his easily "punnable" (surely, that's a word) last name and from his game-changing performance versus Chelsea in the Champions League last season.
The supremely knowledgable unnamed sources claim that Chelsea are in with a second bid for the 21-year-old, Leverkusen having already rejected a first offer of £16m (or was that €25m?). At least they do acknowledge that the wing-forward and occasional striker doesn't actually fill a position of need: Victor Moses is now in the fold, at half of what any supposed new bid may be and Schurrle is probably not the backup center forward that Roberto Di Matteo is truly looking for.
Then again, with Daniel Sturridge's contract situation a bit muddled (1 year? 2 year? Leap year?), one could see how the newspaper editors cobbled this rumor together. Sturridge out; Schurrle in! We must sell these papers!
Related: Andre Schurrle profile | Follow us on Twitter