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And so it has come to pass that on the first day of spring, Chelsea wore all black. Or was it the second day of spring? Second day, second rate...whichever the case may be, Chelsea wore all black.
I hate the black shirt. While some might appreciate the subtle homage to either Windows 95 or Torres's worst nightmare or Tobey Maguire's attempt at portraying a superhero, I distinctly do not.
The marketing types call this the 'away kit' even though Chelsea have worn their traditional blues more often away from Stamford Bridge (11 vs. 9) while of course also wearing them in every single home match. But revenue is revenue, so who is to argue? In the final reckoning, we probably should be thankful that we've only worn it 9 times...for Chelsea Football Club do not play well in black. In fact, the black shirt has an awful record.
Of those 9 matches, we've won two. Count 'em; two. And one of those was a Cup match. The other one needed some dark magic in the form of a circling plane with a banner ("Steve Kean Out") and that was over four months ago.
Two draws (@Genk, @Wigan, both 1-1) and 5 (FIVE!) losses complete the picture. Those five losses have all been sordid affairs:
- QPR (Oct.23) - Chelsea down to 9; John Terry's racism row begins; lose 1-0
- Everton (Feb.11) - Beyond dire Chelsea performance; arguably the worst of the season; lose 2-0
- Napoli (Feb.21) - AVB's final chapter begins; lose 3-1
- WBA (Mar.3) - AVB's final chapter slams shut; lose 1-0
- Man City (Mar.21) - RDM's first loss; Essien handball; lose 2-1
Can we just never speak of this shirt again? How about building a giant pyre of them outside of Stamford Bridge, exorcising our demons. Kill it with fire! Behold the gory details of Chelsea's away record, by shirt color:
Last night's result makes it four defeats on the trot for these evil shirts; all the while we're still undefeated in the third kits. Let there be light! Enough with the gloom and doom. It's time for horizontal stripes to score a landmark and decisive victory over the windowpane.