With the Guardian getting rid of their chalkboards (sad!) I'm going to have to figure out a different way of working up match analyses. Until I do, however, I'm going to compromise and just do player ratings. These are entirely subjective and don't mean a whole lot, so don't complain too much when I say something you disagree with.
The scale is from 0-10, with 5 as Premier League average (and I'd consider a 6 the minimum acceptable from a Chelsea player). These grades are completely uninformed by statistics. Go ahead and add yours in the comments.
Petr Cech: Helpless for the two Everton goals, but his distribution was absolutely appalling and he made things far more dicey than they needed to be when the hosts did go forward. A continuation of a fairly miserable season. 3.
Ashley Cole: The left back returned from suspension and promptly did not much of anything, failing to get into the attack until the second half as well as doing virtually nothing to contain Landon Donovan on the Everton right. Mostly at fault for the second goal, and also nearly caused another with an awful pass to David Luiz in the first half. I'm giving him an extra point because he got hurt and I feel sorry for him. 3.
David Luiz: His usual self going forward - he was possibly Chelsea's best attacking player, which is depressing on many levels - but awful at the back. These weren't even David Luiz's normal mental errors, which we're at least used to. Instead, he just seemed to be half-assing it out there for the first time in a Chelsea kit. Yikes. 4.
Branislav Ivanovic: Not a great performance from the Serbian, who would probably have been better off as a right back. However, it also wasn't a completely awful one - he couldn't have done much about Steven Pienaar's goal and I couldn't find that much to ding him for for the rest of the match. Still, should have done better. 5.
Jose Bosingwa: It's amazing that less than a week after shutting down one of the Premier League's most dangerous wingers while playing out of position Bosingwa could have put in that display. Responsible for the first goal. Caused a stack overflow error on Opta's 'incomplete crosses' counter. Abysmal. 1.
Michael Essien: Hey, he was alright. Perhaps it's just fuzzy happy feelings from the Bison being back, but he did his job in the first half before tiring in the second. One of the few black shirts who looked like they could be playing for a Champions League team. 6.
Frank Lampard: Unlucky on the first goal but blew a prime chance to equalise in the first half. Chelsea's possession play mostly went through him, and he was calm and composed on the ball - but did very little with it nonetheless. Not bad, but certainly not good. 5.
Raul Meireles: Set the tone when he played a ludicrous backheel to give the ball away within the first couple of minutes. Lackadaisical in possession, non-existent in defence. Three months ago Meireles was one of Chelsea's better players. Since, he's looked like he'd have trouble in League One. 2.
Juan Mata: Got himself in promising positions only to float pointless crosses in despite it being manifestly obvious that nobody was going to convert them. Had a couple of good moments on the attack, but nowhere near what we're used to from the former Valencia man. As ever, as goes Mata so too do Chelsea. 4.
Fernando Torres: Stick a fork in him. He's done. Only avoids a one because I can barely remember us having the ball near Tim Howard's box. 2.
Daniel Sturridge: Not the first winger who's been outmatched by Leighton Baines, and although his movement was intelligent throughout the game nothing really came off for him. Should have scored in the first half, didn't. 4.