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On Liverpool, Stewart Downing & Youtube: The Year's Best Transfer Story

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MUMMY I CAN'T FIND THE LOO WHERE IS THE LOO MUMMY I NEED TO WEEEEEEEEE
MUMMY I CAN'T FIND THE LOO WHERE IS THE LOO MUMMY I NEED TO WEEEEEEEEE

As most of you (I hope) know, over the summer Liverpool bought Aston Villa winger Stewart Downing for the sum of £20M. Since then he hasn't done so well, although he was admittedly excellent with Villa in the 2010/11 season. At the time, we were led to believe that Downing was brought in as a crossing expect to help goal-deficient lamppost impersonator Andy Carroll find the back of the net. Now, almost six months later, we have the real story.

This is why Liverpool bought Stewart Downing:

Yes, that's a fake video designed to help Aston Villa sell season tickets. The Villans released a number of these in summer 2010 (if I recall correctly), and they were all pretty awesome and clearly totally fake. Nobody takes that sort of thing seriously, right?

Wrong!

There was some footage of Stewart where he is, from 30 yards away, kicking a football into five different trash cans and it’s brilliant. John and I said: ‘Oh my god, this player is brilliant, we’ve got to figure out a way to make a deal with him’.

-Tom Werner, Liverpool chairman. Source: Liverpool Daily Post.

As they say in the business: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Haha. Haaaaaa. I cannot believe that this is real.

Remember kids, don't judge players off Youtube clips!