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Chelsea FC Transfer Rumours: Tuesday Deadline For Javier Pastore

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PALERMO, ITALY - MARCH 16:  Javier Pastore of US Citta di Palermo in action during a training session at Stadio Renzo Barbera on March 16, 2011 in Palermo, Italy.  (Photo by Tullio M. Puglia/Getty Images)
PALERMO, ITALY - MARCH 16: Javier Pastore of US Citta di Palermo in action during a training session at Stadio Renzo Barbera on March 16, 2011 in Palermo, Italy. (Photo by Tullio M. Puglia/Getty Images)
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Here we go again. Maurizio Zamparini has only gone and opened his big mouth, so that means we've got more Javier Pastore news. Wonderful! Here goes.

I cannot say who has the advantage between Chelsea, Manchester City or Roma. I can only underline that I'm interested in cash deals. We are at the final stages and will evaluate the offers on Tuesday. When we see which the real proposals are, then we can go forward.

-Maurizio Zamparini, Palermo president. Source: Gazzetta dello Sport via ESPN Soccernet.

I'd guess we can toss Roma out of the pot immediately, and Manchester City are in a bit of trouble with the Carlos Tevez deal going all hilariously haywire on them. They can certainly afford Pastore in general terms, but on a Tuesday deadline? I'm hugely skeptical of that happening. Of course, I'm hugely skeptical of most things that come out of Zamparini's mouth. Here's how I imagine that media interview being conducted.

Journalist: Mr. Zamparini, a moment of your time?

MZ: Boy! Come fish with me! Tonight, we dine on whale shark caviar!

Journalist: ...

MZ: FISH!

MZ lays about himself with a (happily unloaded) harpoon gun

Journalist: So, about Javier Pastore?

MZ: Yes? He was delicious! Divine! Not in the least bit fishy, though. Hence fishing today. Good for the brain, fish. Building up the mind, you know? Pastore yesterday, and Tuesday again. End of Pastore on Tuesday!

Journalist: I see.

Journalist writes down: 'Pastore transfer saga over on Tuesday'

Journalist: And where might Pastore being going, Mr. Zamparini?

MZ: Where isn't he going? We are all part of the same one universe, all of us. Except the fish. They will be vanquished, I tell thee. Shouting out of window: Fin to port! Cast loose and fire as she bears!

Journalist: Um. Anything more specific?

MZ: He will not not being going to Jupiter. Or Vega. The Veganoids, they do not like Palermo. Want Sicily for themselves, yes? Shouting again: Well we shall fight, my comrade. We shall fight!

Journalist writes down: 'Chelsea, Manchester City. Roma??'. Circles the question marks after 'Roma' twice.

Journalist: Thank you for your time, Mr. Zamparini. We appreciate you being so forthcoming on the reco...oly mother of God, what are you doing?

MZ leaps out of window; flies to his moon base.

So yeah. How about that.