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We Ain't Got No History Welcomes Andre Villas-Boas To Chelsea

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So. Chelsea have a new manager, and judging by the amount of smiley faces the community has hurled in his direction* I'd say you're all mostly pretty happy about that. The Portuguese is a wonderful tactician, an excellent man-manager, and he ticked all the right boxes in his interview with Chelsea, coming across as intelligent and driven without looking like he possessed anywhere near Jose Mourinho's absurd ego.

*One issue with the smiles scale, incidentally, is I have no idea how to average it. I tried some expressions to make a slightly happier than a regular smile but with a hint of dissenting frowniness thrown in, but then I received a phone call asking me to please stop scaring the children outside.

However, he still hasn't quite proved himself yet, at least in the eyes of We Ain't Got No History. There's another test he has to pass before he can really be a manager. A trial by fire, if you will. I don't mean winning games - any idiot could do that (I mean, even Phil Scolari won occasionally). This is much more challenging, dangerous, and frankly disturbing. No, for all his skills, Villas-Boas has yet to demonstrate just how cuddly he'd be as a teddy bear.

Frankly, that's unacceptable. But luck is on Villas-Boas' side, because if there's one thing this website is good at, it's resolving that sort of problem.

That's a 10/10 on the cuddleability scale, and a 1,567/10 on the happy-to-see-you scale. It looks like we have ourselves a new manager. Please welcome Andre Villas-Bearas to Stamford Bridge.