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Timeline: The CPO And Stamford Bridge

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You know what's awesome? Trying to predict the future. With maximal awesomeness in mind, I have done my best to project the future of the Stamford Bridge CPO debate, taking recent events as a guide and extrapolating to the necessary conclusion. Here, then, is the timeline for how everything will unfold. Remember, you heard it at We Ain't Got No History first.

October 4th: Chelsea announce offer to Chelsea Pitch Owners PLC to buy back the Stamford Bridge freehold. Their offer is essentially debt forgiveness, sweetened with a brick. Chelsea act as though brick is major concession.

October 5th: Fans consider brick a derisory offer, demand... well, more than a brick. And some assurance that Chelsea aren't being relocated to Norway. 'Say No CPO' campaign gathers steam.

October 6-11th: Week of disquiet as calls for the CPO to turn down Chelsea's offer reach fever pitch. A second brick is offered to those voting yes, this time by rather cranky elements of the Stamford Bridge crowd. Said brick would be applied directly to the head.

October 12th: Chelsea release a series of answers to frequently asked questions regarding the proposed deal to buy out the CPO. One of those questions, apparently, is 'Does John Terry want us to move?' Another is 'should we listen to a man who's taken so many blows to the head he lives life in a state of near-permanent concussion?' Chelsea's answers: Yes and yes.

October 13th: Andre Villas-Boas speaks out in favour of a stadium move, claiming that Porto fans don't even remember their old stadium, having gone from Whatchamacallit Field to the Dragao.

October 15th: Gianfranco Zola visits London, speaks out in favour of a move away from Stamford Bridge. 'Vote yes for your love of Chelsea. For your love of me. Thank you.' The Italian then flies home on a broomstick after scoring five goals against Everton.

October 16th: Roman Abramovich's submarine surfaces in the Thames, releasing fifteen shadowy figures into London.

October 17th: Fifteen prominent 'no' voters suddenly change their vote to 'yes'. They also each look a little different and have picked up slight Russian accents and a penchant for vodka. Mysterious.

October 19th: The ghost of Peter Osgood rises from the Shed End penalty spot to tell Chelsea fans that they should move to Battersea Nine Elms or Earls Court, according to a video released by Chelsea TV. Nobody actually sees the spectral apparition because the Blues are playing against Genk and Stamford Bridge is empty.

October 20th: The Queen calls an emergency national broadcast to announce that Chelsea fans should 'do whatever that lovely Soviet gentleman would like', adding that Stamford Bridge actually belongs to the crown and that the CPO doesn't matter anyway.

October 21st: A mysterious figure known only as 'Omanray A.' buys 95% of all CPO shares for a large sum.

October 22nd: Jesus returns to Earth accompanied by a choir of angels. Worldwide panic as Armageddon appears to be at hand. As it turns out, His visit has nothing to do with Armageddon or the CPO - he just wants David Luiz's autograph, saying he couldn't wait the 400 years before the centre back's retirement.

October 24th: The clouds part over London and the inscrutable and unknowable face of God looms over the city. A booming voice rings out:



October 25th: Second Battle Of Stamford Bridge commences, with historians complaining that the first one happened somewhere totally different. Bricks are thrown. Some of them are commemorative. Four historians are hit to general amusement. 'No' forces wiped out by Russian armoured division.

October 27th: Chelsea secure Stamford Bridge freehold via unanimous vote from surviving shareholders at extraordinary general meeting of the CPO. Bricks are handed out.

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