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Wayne Rooney Going Nowhere, Signs New 5-year Deal

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Wayne Rooney reconciles with Sir Alex Ferguson, who has recently acquired the power to turn invisible at will.
Wayne Rooney reconciles with Sir Alex Ferguson, who has recently acquired the power to turn invisible at will.

Just days after Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney announced his intention to leave Old Trafford, he has signed a new 5-year deal with the club worth about £50M. He'll be going nowhere in January, nor in the next few transfer windows. This was some pretty epic brinkmanship from all parties involved and everyone bought it hook, line, and sinker - the story has made headlines around the world and caused some severe consternation amongst fans of the team.

Anyway, a new, fairly rich 5-year deal from which the player gets a huge raise and the manager and club get a huge PR coup. Well done on some amazing playacting by Rooney and Sir Alex Ferguson. Looks like potatoboy isn't going to end up at Manchester City, Chelsea, or Real Madrid anytime soon.

"I'm delighted to sign another deal at United. I've spoken to the manager and the owners and they've convinced me this where I belong."

-Wayne Rooney

This news comes just days after Rooney blasted the club for a complete lack of ambition, claiming the squad is not good enough to maintain a push for trophies in the present or near future (he was probably right about that, incidentally).

What a strange week it must have been for United fans.