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Henk Ten Suckass

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Useless. That's about the only word I can use to describe Henk Ten Cate's time at Chelsea. The assistant coach was told to do one at the end of the week, drawing to an end one of the most obscure and egregious hirings in the history of the club.

Ten Cate came in, refused to sing & promptly begin to ooze hatefulness. He disrupted the dressing room, choosing who to beef with ever so brilliantly -- arguing with the club's captain = drinking from the wrong Holy Grail at the end of Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade. His departure likely means former Barcelona manager Frank Rijkaard is out of the running for Chelsea boss (whatever).

Ten Cate said he was told his job was safe just a day before being sacked (hilarious). He's now released a few statements, the first being quite funny.

"The club has not trusted in me and did not even ask me if I wanted to be the new coach," he told The People. "Chelsea say they need a change in technical staff and I did not enter their plans. I came with a lot of excitement to this project, but I am leaving sad and upset because they have not let me do more."

Um, yeah. The club did not ask you to be coach because you are gar-bage. You might as well be Pizza Man.