BVB still want de Bruyne, but will 'respect his contract'

Martin Rose

Borussia Dortmund had been playing a fun game recently. It was called 'let's pretend we're the underdogs, guardians of all that is good and rustic and home-cooked and fun in this world and we're up against big bad industrial Bayern Munich oh no won't you support us in this challenging hour? Look, we even baked you a cake with Robert Lewandowski's face on it. Would Mario Gomez bake you a cake?' which they probably could have done with shortening. Anyway, it left quite a few neutrals rather baffled, because BVB are a plenty big club on their own and pulling the minnows card requires rather more minnow-ness than the back-to-back Bundesliga champions possessed.

Also they're kind of [fun]faces:

NB: Google translating the original quote gives 'We won't even talk to Chelsea again' for the first clause , which is confusing.

This is pretty rich. It's clear you had to respect his contract after getting him to talk personal terms with four years left on his deal with Chelsea? When the club clearly had no intention of selling a player for a fraction of his actual value? If BVB do have a conversation with Chelsea, I hope it goes something like this:

Michael Emenalo: Hello?

Michael Zorc: Hi there Chelsea friend!

ME: Oh. You again.

MZ: We've come to talk about Kevin de Bruyne. He's a little known Belgium player whom you accidentally have on your books somehow. We know you want to fix that problem so we took the liberty of signing him to a five-year contract. Just need your ok.

ME: What?

MZ: Just say the word! And because we're pals, we'll throw in €15 million for the trouble.

ME: No.

MZ: But... we baked you a cake! With Marco Reus' face on it!

ME: A) If you contact Kevin again we'll have you done for tapping up. B) Beating Bayern Munich in finals isn't that hard. Why don't you ask QPR to loan you Jose Bosingwa next time? Losers.

MZ: HOW CAN YOU HATE US WE ARE SO COOL AND ZANY.

ME: Go away. [click]

To make a long story short: Stop trying to steal our players, BVB. Thank you.

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