Brace yourselves. Something amazing is coming. Something utterly, totally, truly amazing. Not content with the rumours that David Luiz is on his way out of Stamford Bridge because Jose Mourinho doesn't like him, Marca have decided to take the winding up to whole new levels: Claiming that the Special One is trying to ship Juan Mata out of Chelsea.
No, I'm not making this up.
Dos futbolistas españoles del Chelsea, Mata y Torres, tienen complicado su futuro con Mourinho porque el técnico portugués ha pedido a Abramovich que escuche ofertas por ambos.
Two Spanish players of Chelsea, Mata and Torres have complicated their future because the Portuguese coach Mourinho has asked Abramovich to listen to offers for both.
I mean, why wouldn't Jose Mourinho want to sell Juan Mata? He's only the best player on the team, the man who makes everything happen. He's professional, polite and charming. He's respected around the league. He's a thoughtful player, the kind of man who takes well to good coaching. His wages aren't that high. Why would you want to keep a player like that on your team?
Marca are not big fans of Mourinho -- which is one of the reasons we have him back early (thanks, Marca). But normally they're not so hilariously transparent about their attempts to annoy him. This rumour isn't just fake, it's malicious. But somehow, it's transcended nasty scare-mongering and become a work of hilarious art. Well done, stupids.