The English football press as a whole is both batpoop crazy and fundamentally incapable of serious analysis. But we don't have it all bad in Chelsea land. I mean, we could be Spanish:
"MATA IN RANGE!" Screams the front cover of El Mundo Deportivo (click for photo). According to 101 Great Goals, Barcelona are now in on the hunt for the reigning Chelsea Player of the Year, and they'd be willing to sell Christian Tello or Thiago Alcantara to get him.
I don't even feel the need to debunk this particular rumour anymore. The last time Chelsea were forced to sell an elite player during Roman Abramovich's time at the club is... never, and Mata is the glue that makes the current squad work. It's amazing how the Spanish papers are managing to annoy the club just by printing nonsensical rumours designed to make Jose Mourinho look bad.
Long story short: Spanish papers are even worse than ours. Count your blessings.