Today is my girlfriend’s birthday. I said to her this morning that Chelsea would win and make it a truly epic one! If ever there was a need for Champers…today is that day. I will share with you why:
5 months ago, I flew from the UK to Colombia to see my (Colombian) girlfriend, having left my job and decided to travel(ish). I am now stumped for cash, blown all my savings but have one month exactly to burn a nice fat irresponsible financial hole using my Halifax Clarity credit card.
...However TODAY at precisely 13:15 (19:15 UK time) the internet and satellite TV decided to go kaput in our apartment in a remote Colombian town!
Issue?..erm…yes! Not possessing a motorbike licence, I decided I had the kohonees at 13:30 to drive her moto into town scouring for any open bars. My search was incredibly unsuccessful…until I managed to stumble upon a centro comercial. Imagine this, parking (throwing down) the bike and running into the shopping centre…being greeted by the usual stares and glares…which comes with the territory of being a Ginger Minger here. And so having run for 5 minutes I had arrived at my last resort, the food hall, breaking the sound of heavy panting with gasps of what some poor locals were able to distinguish as terrible Spanish.
Puedo cambiar la television? "pant pant pant" Quiero mirar el partido de Chelsea….POR FAVORRRRR
The lady kept me waiting for a response, insisting that the absent security guard had the remote control to the televisual feast in the food hall. Taking a moment, I saw maybe 100m away two TVs in a nearby Claro shop…which looked remotely like a sports game. Upon abusing my lungs once more, I noticed…I HAD DONE IT…I HAD FOUND THE HOLYGRAIL. Two 40" TVs beside each other, displaying both the Real and Chelsea games, side by sexy side. Oh sweet baby, only 5 minutes late…time to relax and get comfy.
I moved one of the chairs from a small juice bar about 10metres away, to plonk my tired little snowman butt, where it shouldn’t be. My position soon grabbed attention from those other losers not at work, possessing an interest in football. Others soon joined me, like a latin flock, dedicating their attention and eyes solely to the Dortmund/RealMadrid game. Their gaze throughout the 85 remaining minutes was really only broken with the sound of me ooing and arring at every missed opportunity/woodwork session! By the end, I had managed to attract a crew of 7 Colombians to this fabricated footy field, outside a particularly vacant phone store (take note Claro – you’re overstaffed). If anyone was in any doubt, Colombians love Chelsea…as much as Real or Barcelona I must state. I have noticed more Chelsea shirts than any other football club in my 5 months here. But on to the match…
And so i fast forward to those tantalising 5 minutes…I screamed like a little girl when DemBa stabbed that ball home. Oh and I wept as we desperately tried to cling on to a famous victory. But finally it ended, one of the most frantic 120 minutes of my life…climaxing with sheer unadulterated bliss!!! Good on you Chelsea, thank you for making this a happy birthday for my lady.
Oh and I now have 5 new Colombian chums to call upon as friends, for when Chelsea next decide to try and endanger my life!!