The Daily Hilario: Writing in the stars

Denis Doyle

Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans. Now with added hopes and optimism.

Look, Mr. Grocery Checkout Clerk-man, sometimes I just want to slum it with some easy-drinking, high alcohol content liquid concoction, and I don't need your judgmental stares and comments about my shitty 12-pack of crap hard cider. See if I decide to spent my hard-earned moneys at your place of employment again! Maybe I'll just go back to getting the tallboys at Total Wine instead. Jackass.

If you ever wanted to drink sweet-ish apple juice with 6% alcohol, I recommend Smith & Forge hard cider. It's new but it's popping up everywhere. It's made my Miller Brewing, so you know it's fit for mass mass-consumption. I dig the design of the can as well, and the marketing campaign appeals to my ancestral manly man side. Yes, drinking this cider while lying on the couch and typing away on the keyboard will make me feel like I'm chopping wood in the middle of a blizzard. Thank you, SAB-Miller.

I have 10 left for today. I think I might need them.

In other news...

Score another one for stability | SB Nation
So, Moyesy has been all but sacked. Didn't see that coming, said no one ever. On the unfortunate side, this means that United will actually get someone competent next season like Klopp or Simeone or Van Gaal. Good for them, bad for us.

David Silva probably done for the season | SB Nation
The little wizard was stretchered off with a fairly serious-looking ankle injury in the easy 3-1 win on Monday. Depending on the seriousness, he may even miss the World Cup, which would be unfortunate.

More claret and blue incoming! | SB Nation
Burnley are back! And no Owen Coyle this time, so they might even last a bit longer than just the one season. It will be their 50th season in the country's top flight, which is impressive considering that I believe they still hold the record for smallest town ever in the Premier League (<75k inhabitants). It's no wonder they got promoted though, they have a certain Michael Duff at center back, also known as the greatest defender ever on Championship Manager 01/02.

FOOTBALL (all times BST):
19.05: U21 Premier League: Arsenal U21 vs. Chelsea U21 (hey, that's us)
19.45: Champions League, semifinal first leg: Atlético Madrid vs. Chelsea (hey, that's us!)

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