Top of the league and we're having a laugh. How about you?
Of course we probably won't be in a few hours, unless all four of Arsenal, Spurs, Man City, and Man United fail to win. Which, would be hilarious. By the way, just one team remain undefeated in the Premiership now and they're Everton. Raise your hand if you saw that coming.
Right, put your hand down; I know you're lying.
For whatever reason, Arsenal vs. Stoke City (8:30am EDT) is being shown on CNBC here in America. Are Arsenal looking for new investors? Imagine the bewilderment of Joe Wall-Street when he wakes up Sunday morning and instead of getting the latest low-down on all the ways to scam the retail investor, he's stuck watching Mesut Ozil vs. Asmir Begovic. Actually, perhaps that doesn't sound too bad. Certainly better than the other early match, Crystal Palace vs. Swansea City, where the best part will be the home support, which doesn't really have all that much do with the actual football product out there on the pitch.
If you make it through either of those matches, your reward will be the BIG ONE, the Manchester derby, City vs. United (11am EDT). At the same time, Spurs travel to Cardiff.
And that's not all! If you act now - or, well, at 3pm EDT - you can also get a bonus derby, this one motivated much more by money than physical location, when PSG host Monaco. Cavani & Ibrahimovic vs. Falcao!