There's a reason they call it silly season, I suppose. Yet not even Manchester United could get away with floating such nonsense as Chelsea using Juan Mata* as some makeweight in a deal for Wayne Rooney. That one was just a bit too silly even for silly season.
* see also: David Luiz
But just to reiterate, in case there was ever any doubt, Juan Mata* is ours and you can't have him.
* see also: David Luiz
The back-to-back Chelsea Player of the Year has been back from vacation - extended due to the Confederations Cup - only for about a week. He's slowly working his way back to full match fitness and so far has only featured as a substitute in the International Champions Cup. Although, something tells me that he'll be out there starting on Wednesday.
Like most of the 'New Guard,' Mata's never worked with Mourinho before. So what are Chelsea's Number Ten's initial impressions?
"Each manager has his own kind of work, but in terms of intensity the training has been high and I think it's really good to get the intensity into our game."
Intensity! Lion-face!
"We're really looking forward to starting the season with him and we are all excited about it. Jose did a really great job here a few years ago and I think that we can do it again."
"It's very good, everyone wants to feel important for the club, I feel it, I'm very happy and enjoying training with the new manager, and I hope I can improve on the last two seasons."
He is very happy, therefore I am very happy. Even happier still is what the very last bit makes me. I can't quite begin to imagine what an improved version of Juan Mata would look like, but I think it's going to be glorious.
Dear Premier League: BEWARE.
BONUS VIDEO: All of Juan Mata's touches from the AC Milan match. Enjoy.