Our club has demonstrated that we are practically intent on doing something risky (Rooney), silly (Cavani), or obscenely stupid (Eto'o) in the striker department during the present transfer window. We are sometimes comparable to an exceedingly rich idiot with an incurable addiction to gold-digging women. Now, we are seemingly intent on stealing somebody else's gold-digging spouse (take your pick of the above) without even having bothered to go through the trouble of divorcing our current one (Torres). As long as that's the case, I'd like to propose an alternative way to lighten our purse that is less risky, silly, and stupid: we should consider putting forth a bid for Chicharito.
Hernandez has an accurate shot, has quick reflexes, and is one of the fastest runners in the EPL - the combination of these characteristics helps him attain an exceptional minutes/goals ratio. Stylistically, he's a poacher, which is close enough to what we would have obtained with Cavani, and in contrast to the Uruguayan, he's proven in the EPL and his goal-scoring record is not inflated by penalty kicks. In contrast to Rooney and Eto'o, Chicharito is in his mid-twenties, so he should be just about reaching his prime; considering the limited number of minutes he has played, he may have less wear and tear, and may ultimately have slightly greater longevity than most strikers in England. A player's ability to adjust psychologically to a new team is also critical to his chances of success, so it is also worth noting that Chicharito's association with our main domestic rival is much more tenuous than that of Rooney. And finally, Chicharito would cost less than either Rooney or Cavani would have, and would probably command a much lower salary than Eto'o. It's difficult to know what Moyes plans for Manu's roster, but it's reasonable to believe that he would be more willing to let Hernandez go than he would Rooney, and if we pursue Hernandez, at the very least, we will have unsettled another of Manu's strikers.
Alternatively, if we're looking for depth, which seems to be the reason we're considering Eto'o, I'd like to suggest that we consider Lambert instead. Before you accuse me of rooting for the man of the moment, following Lambert's first England goal, I'd like to point out that on numerous previous occasions during numerous transfer periods, I've suggested that we should consider acquiring Lambert on the cheap until we can adequately dispose of El Burro (aka Torres). Then again, I've also suggested Grant Holt, Danny Graham, Berbatov, and any number of Harry Redknapp's female relatives would be a superior alternative to Torres. Thus far, I have not been proven wrong in this claim. Nevertheless, it's worth reconsidering whether we need more depth/backup at CF. For whom do we need backup, when we don't have a first choice striker? - Lukaku is inexperienced, Ba is the designated backup striker, and Torres is Torres. Eto'o should really be out of the question.
Do you think we should go for Hernandez, and if so, what would be a reasonable price? Also, please suggest any strikers we should consider who have not been on our radar this transfer window.