Have you had a nagging feeling at the back of your mind that this wasn't really a true transfer season just yet? If so, I know what ails you. Your levels of HULKAMANIA are running dangerously low.
Worry not though, Richard Keys (yes, that Richard Keys) has come to save you:
Hulk Chelsea bound.— Richard Keys (@richardajkeys) June 4, 2013
For a shopping day at Harrod's?
Care to elaborate, Dick? No? That's unfortunate. And yes, Mr. Megaphone Tancredi Palmeri jumped on the rumor-bandwagon soon after as well. Still, details are lacking.
Here's what we know. For the last two summers, ever since the appointment of Andre Villas-Boas, Chelsea have been linked with the Brazilian inside forward. In 2011, his rumored price was upwards of €50m and with Chelsea fresh off the Fernando Torres experience, that fee was beyond untenable despite the AVB-HULK connection.
A year later, the rumors were back and even stronger than before - Hulk finished second in the Summer 2012 Transfer Rumor League, ahead of the likes of Oscar and Cesar Azpilicueta. But in a rather surprising twist, Hulk ended up in Russia, Zenit St. Petersburg paying upwards of €40m for his services.
Despite a decent goal-return, the player's outrageous transfer fee and wages caused a dressing room divide. Some fans joined in as well - including ultras with seriously dangerous racial overtones - and not on the side of the Brazilian import. By January, Hulk wanted out, but FIFA regulations prevented any further transfer (a player can only be registered for two teams in any given season).
Here we are then in June and the soon to be 27-year-old Hulk is ready to break free of his Zenit chains. But Zenit bought those chains with starshiploads of gold pressed latinum and are not likely to just set him free for a handshake and a Snickers bar. So who do you call when you need a silly transfer fee paid? Chelsea of course!
Unfortunately, Hulk to Chelsea at the moment doesn't make too much sense (it hasn't made much sense since Eden Hazard signed), even if he's looked at as, say, a Plan B for Andre Schurrle. One destination that would make sense is Tottenham Hotspur and a reunion with Andre the Avenger. This destination would make triple sense if Gareth Bale does get whisked off to Spain.
With that in mind, here's Hulk's "agent" (I have no idea if he's really his agent), Teodoro Fonseca, from last Thursday:
"There are two great teams of the Premier League to have made their interest known."
"Tottenham? Those links are normal because it was with Andre Villas-Boas and Porto where Hulk had the best time."
Note that not even Fonseca mentioned Chelsea by name.
But here we are with Richard Keys's unsourced tweet winking at us. Should we wink back?