Hey everybody, guess what our favorite Liverpool defender is up to nowadays?
No, not kicking puppies - at least not full-time - and no, not discussing the finer aspects of the English language as a traveling professor. He has in fact retired to become ... a pundit! And not just a local Liverpudlian one, but one for Sky Sports. Prepare yourselves; apocalypse is nigh!
First order of business for a brand new pundit: predict the title. Take it away, Ser Jaime:
"If you put me on the spot and ask me right now, 'Who will win the league?', then I’d pick Chelsea."
"I’d pick them because Mourinho is coming back, and also because they actually have a very good team - they had a really good team last season, with some fantastic players."
-Jamie Carragher, Daily Mirror
Well thank goodness for that; I was afraid for a minute that a team featuring Hazard, Mata, Oscar, David Luiz, among others was actually a bit crap. Thankfully we have Pundit Jamie to set the record straight with a bold prediction. At least he didn't say Liverpool, right?
Second order of business: take a potshot at a former teammate. Take it away, Ser Jaime:
"Torres wasn’t the same player for about 18 months and downed tools and that’s certainly what you don’t want. But with a character like Luis, I don’t think that would be an issue and if the club were to keep him, I’m sure he would be as committed as ever."
-Jamie Carragher, Metro
"Character." Oh yeah, we all know about Suarez's character, don't we? We've got the bite marks to prove it.
"I do believe that Suarez is a slightly different character to Fernando Torres. Torres, at times, wasn’t giving his best on the pitch for Liverpool and that is why it was a mistake to keep him."
-Jamie Carragher, Metro
To recap, Liverpool legend Jamie Carragher has entered the Pundit Party and he ensured a memorable entrance by throwing his former teammate under the bus (whose biggest offense ever was not living up to his £50m transfer fee), while defending another former teammate who's arguably the most controversial "character" in the Premier League.
Well done, Ser Jamie. I also love you phrasing of "downed tools." It's something I'm sure you're intimately familiar with:
But hey, maybe I'm just not giving him a chance. Perhaps he'll do a 180 like Gary Neville and actually become less loathsome. Somehow, I doubt it.