They just can't seem to stop talking about us, can they? I would give anything for a peaceful, argument-free week where I don't have to hear a [insert fan] bombarding me with their opinions about my club and where I don't spend my energies cutting them down to size.
- insert: Gooners, Lily-livers, Hammers... pick a poison
Notice these are all local rivals. I have a little theory about them: On why they exhibit such an avid interest in all matters Chelsea and why they always have an opinion, usually strong, with brazen hypocrisy and a moralistic attitude that would put religious zealots to shame.
Do you see Chelsea fans talking as much rubbish about other clubs? I do wonder why it's them and not us. Is it because NOTHING ever happens at their clubs? If you aren't a fan, existing within the little capsules that these clubs are, you'll most likely think them irrelevant and their internal affairs boring. Chelsea are the trophy-winners, noise-makers and headline-grabbers. When Arsenal fans aren't fretting about Champions League football next season, or when Spurs fans get tired of having their heads in the clouds, or when West Hams fans have discussed all there is to discuss about stadium relocation, their attention naturally turns to what's happening in the larger footballing world, and most of this attention finds its way to Chelsea, where something is always happening. It fills the void and kills the boredom. Our club is where all the excitement, internationally relevant footballers and all the news is at.
Think about a middle-class neighbourhood somewhere, dwelling place of your classic bored housewives. All on the wrong side of 40, approaching menopause, wrinkly skin and a growing bitterness because they aren't getting any younger, or getting any. Some evenings they get together for a game of cards. But they don't play cards as much as they talk about this young, pretty woman who just shifted - instantly talk of the town, on everyone's lips. She has the the world at her feet and a husband who's madly in love. And these bitter old hags don't like it. Arsenal is akin to a woman for whom good sex is a thing of the past, exactly 7 years, 11 months, 29 days since the last real stirring in the loins, and Tottenham is the more lowly one whose attempts at climbing the social ladder always fail. Deep-seated envy at work. Chelsea won't be spared for committing the unpardonable sin of being fresher, more attractive and having better life chances.
End. Wisdom imparted. I might follow this up with an insight into the minds of 'old money/the footballing aristocracy' or the fake purists and hipsters, if you'd look forward to such a sequel course.
And oh one last thing, being a Chelsea fan is an experience that can't be duplicated or understood unless you're part of it. The rollercoaster ride of emotions, the never having a dull moment, the glory and genuine joy and pride of winning, the nonstop gossip, the always having something to talk about, the always having something to look forward to. Even the more forgettable seasons here are better than the best seasons elsewhere!