How the tower that the world thinks is rosy actually looks like !
Few months ago, I got an opportunity to visit the WAGNH towers and have a drink with the 'writers' and 'managers'. I, like all of you, had thought that it would be a pleasurable experience, but how barely I managed to escape, with my life 'just' intact, only I would know. However, here's an account in brief.
I was foolish enough to trust the direction signs. The signs, "pointing" towards "Guests Lobby" actually led me to a pool of Scarab beetles, I nearly fell into it, saved by the strap of my bag. This, I came to know later, was a ploy by Tim the Grim to detract all visitors from visiting the heart of the tower. As I backtacked and wandered off into the direction of the lobby, I passed the famed centipede farm. Curiosity got the better of me and I entered it. My word ! There were no less than several million centipedes, of all hues, sizes and powers. Now I understood how the managers got the trolls killed.
Meanwhile, the CCTV cameras (plucked owl-eyes, really) detected my presence and it became known to the bosses. In no time, I was locked up inside the dungeons. When I saw who my captors were, I was shocked. They were the very people I so idolised and admired. They were, as they're called in those parts, Garuham the Wise, Jack the Black and Stivan the Terrible. They were working on the directions of the Dark Lord, Kauron. They said I wouldn't be fed to the centipedes, but to some other beast. Who was it to be, I wondered.
As it turned out, it was my good fellow on Twitter, Sweeney the Meanie. He looks a handsome guy as on his Twitter pic, but actually he's multitudes more gruesome than a combination of Tevez and Suarez. And he's taller than Lacina, bulkier than Akinfenwa. A beast, he is.
Right before I was about to be devoured, I was saved. By who other than the hero of WAGNH. The shining light. It was Dave the Brave. He was fighting Sweeney the Meanie and it looked like the battle was going to drag on. Dave the Brave advised me to escape before Sweeney the Meanie overpowered him. Escape I did.
Garuham the Wise now set his centipedes on me. They injured me grievously. So badly that sensing my imminent death, they went away. But to my luck, the most genial person to ever walk the middle earth stumbled upon me. It was Oo the True. He saw my condition and in order to help me, took me to Devin the Djinn and Kevin the Djinn. They were the mythical and magical healers that could bring a dead man back to life. Eventually they saved me.
After months of healing, I'm finally back home. Thanks to Dave the Brave, Oo the True, Devin the Djinn and Kevin the Djinn, I'm hale and healthy. This was my way of making all other WAGNHers aware of what atrocities await all visitors. Beware friends, beware of the evil Garuham the Wise, Tim the Grim, Jack the Black, Stivan the Terrible and Sweeney the Meanie, all acting on the order of their Dark Lord Kauron.