Marin And Hazard Are Being 'Chaperoned' By Roman's Bodyguards

SO TINY

So the Daily Mail (I know right, them again) are currently running what is essentially a fluff story on Chelsea's new acquisitions, claiming that we're now going after small players -- Eden Hazard, Marko Marin, Juan Mata etc. -- in order to somehow emulate Barcelona. I don't begrudge them their fun, even if it is mostly nonsense, but one line stuck out:

Indeed Abramovich’s personal bodyguards chaperone Hazard and Marin into training each day. They are important members of the Chelsea squad, part of the future for this team.

Seriously? They need Abramovich's bodyguards to go to training? Some possible explanations:

  • The are terrified of David Luiz's hugs and require a large, quick-to-anger man to hide behind whenever the centre back comes near.
  • Gary Cahill's mother is harrassing Hazard, claiming he'll be grounded all month unless he admits he's her child.
  • Ashley Cole is bringing weaponry to Cobham again.
  • Andre Villas-Boas is hiding in the bushes near the entrance in order to kidnap them.
  • Marko goes into nervous breakdowns at the sight of Petr Cech's hat, claiming he needs a grownup to protect him.
  • Neither actually wanted to sign but have been told they'll be shot if they try to escape.

I'd totally understand hiring a handler for both of them, one who helps them find their way around and assimilate into the culture of both the club and their new home city. But bodyguards? It's not like either is going to be gunned down in the street tomorrow. Anyone trying to shoot them would miss high anyway. Did Mata need a bodyguard? If he didn't, maybe it really is the AVB-in-the-bushes thing.

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