Chelsea FC as Lord of the Rings Characters

After a bit of a back and forth on the subject with Kevin, I realized I needed to make a list like this, if only for myself. And then I figured I'd post it. So without further ado. Chelsea and its corresponding LotR characters.

The Fellowship

Aragorn: Selfless, gets the girl, covers a lot of ground. arrives late to the big fight, knows just what to say, rules late in life. Super Frank Lampard

Boromir: Broken, brave, loved and despised. A leader of men. JT

Frodo: Always on the move, constantly chased and harassed, star of the show. Juan Mata

Gandalf: Who wears a hat, dresses differently and lets nothing pass? Petr Cech

Gimli: It's Hulk. And I'm looking forward to his bromance with...

Legolas: Loved and hated, pretty and blonde. Could it be anyone besides Fernando Torres?

Merry: Never the most renown[ed] of warriors, served as a faithful companion, a stalwart defender, and an essential member of the Fellowship. Even in the beginning, known for talent and perceptiveness (a veritable ringleader among his friends), but in joining the fellowship saw his role change exclusively to supporter for his more well-known mates. His valor unappreciated by foes, he struck the blow (with Eowyn) that rendered the King of the Nazgul powerless, but was not rewarded in the guard of honor for his efforts (even if they were understood and appreciated by his friends and fellows). - Mikel (Credit to RevereChelsea for a much better suggestion)

Pippin: Frivolous with terrible decision making skills, though thankfully he never gets an air rifle. A giant among hobbits. Ashley Cole

Sam: From humble beginnings to true greatness. Roberto Di Matteo

Ancillary Characters

Bilbo Baggins: Came before Frodo. The balding legend. Zola

Tom Bombadil: The best one. David Luiz

Treebeard: A legend the likes of whom shall not be seen again. A giant beloved by hobbits. Tears down Isengard. Didier Drogba

Beorn: A skin changer who could become a bear. Badass. Branislav Ivanovic

Elrond: Old and full of wisdom. His time among us nears its end. Great Hair. Paulo Ferreira

Shadowfax: Tireless and swift. Ramires

Radagast the Brown: A not very good wizard. Hilario

Thorin: If it weren't for his nonsense, none of this would have happened. Kevin Kostka

#1 Legolas fan: Gary Neville

Eagle: Flies all about, skinny bird legs, wing of an eyebrow, comes through in the big moments. The Bossman


The Villains

Smaug: A red dragon, lost in dreams of past conquests upon a pile of dusty treasure. Liverpool

The Balrog: For what he did to Gandalf. Stephen [H]unt

The Trolls: First Bilbo picked their pockets, then he turned them to stone. Bill: Carragher Tom: Murphy Bert: Cheyrou.

Shelob: A nasty remnant of a great age. Slain by Samwise. Mourinho's shadow

Ringwraith: Chased poor Frodo around a lot, once the best of men, turned to evil. Yaya Toure

Sauron: Threatened by the fellowship, all offense no defense. Ultimately undone by a gang of misfits and his own hubris. Seduces and corrupts the best of a generation. Barcelona

The Ring: Tiki-taka

Orcs: They prostrate themselves before Sauron and serve its bidding. Ugly and filthy, though not dim-witted. They can only destroy, they can never create. Fourth Estate

Gollum: Possession of the tiki-taka has warped him, but there is hope that he will follow Frodo. For he, not Frodo must destroy the tiki-taka. Slinker for the blaugrana, Stinker for la albiceleste. May not know what taters are. Lionel Messi

Saruman: "His knowledge is deep, but his pride has grown with it, and he takes ill any meddling." The lore of the tiki-taka is his obsession. Arsene Wenger

Isengard: The Fortress that Arsene built. Destroyed by Drogba in an afternoon.

New Stuff: Reader suggested and otherwise

Glorfindel: Criminally left out of the movie and first blog post. Timely in defense, not long for these shores. Brings the flood (makes Dpeezy cry): Kalou

Morgoth: Caused a lot of trouble. Even after he was thrown down from power (we can only hope) his servant Sauron troubled the world. - Platini (Credit Narek Plissken Baluyan)

Rangers - The last remnant of a great age, they protect the land and are distrusted by some. - CPO

Which would make Arnor - Chelsea FC pre-Abramovich

and Gondor - Chelsea FC - Abramovich era

Elendil: King of Arnor and Gondor: Peter Osgood (credit again Narek Plissken Baluyan)

Blue Wizards: Left Middle Earth and were sent to the East. Their mission: to weaken the forces of Sauron and they had a large role in the victories of the West in the Second and Third Age. Mourinho and his coaching staff (Credit Kevin Kostka and StreetsBehind)

Arwen: Christine Bleakley

Galadriel: Dr. Eva (Credit: All of you)

Eomer, Eowyn, Riders of Rohan: When the Riders of Rohan crested the hill in the movie, and the horns started blowing...the orcs began to panic and hope was rekindled...I got goosebumps and shivered in anticipation. Can they be anything other than the next generation of Chelsea greats?

Which would make, in my mind

The Beacon of Amon Din: Big Ears Cup

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any sort of approval process. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions held by the editors of this site.

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