Alright, this might seem a little crazy, but hear it out, it really is the perfect master plan.
First of all, Trivia Question. As an owner, when you enjoy tons of success in horse racing, what is the best way to continue your success in the future? You take your champion winning, genetic perfection of a horse and breed it with every female horse you can get your hands on and pray that the baby horses get daddy's great genes.
If asked by a random stranger what recent player us Chelsea fans fans miss the most, I think Drogba might just be somewhat of a common answer. He's immortal to this club, probably the most prolific goal scorer that we've ever had. The definition of a big game player with the confident character that we love (most of the time atleast). I could go on forever about Drogba, but the point here is he was and will always be F$#!ing awesome.
So if you have followed this far, you've probably connected the dots. That's right, we need to genetically use Drogba to our advantage. He's a physical specimen that you rarely come across, as well as his many talents. So this is what I propose: We take a few of the top female athletes, convince them to have a child with Drogba and create the best athletes the world has ever seen!
These are the candidates that I think we should contact to help create our herculean, impeccable Drogbabies.
This ones pretty straight forward. One of the fastest women ever. Yes she was disqualified for PED's years later, but with or without them, she was wicked fast. Imagine a Drogbaby that can make Theo Walcott look like Daniel Van Buyten? Drogba had good speed in his prime, give him roadrunner speed and its on.
The Williams sisters. They scare the living piss out of me. When they play, they grunt so loud I have to watch the match on mute. They are terrific athletes, strong, possess elite hand eye contact, and they're winners. I chose Venus over Serena for two main reasons.
1. Venus is 6'1" and Serena is only 5'9". We would rather have the larger frame, tall > short.
2. I will never forget when Serena got pissed off at that ball girl and repeatedly told her she was going to shove a tennis ball down her throat, among other things. Drogba was prone enough to getting sent off and causing trouble, we don't need help in that category.
One of the best WNBA players of all time and first female to ever dunk in a game. She is a true icon of the female sporting world. I know basketball doesn't exactly translate to football/soccer but the woman is 6'5". You don't find many people with that combination of size and athleticism. With this drogba, we could just fire crosses into the box all game and probably end up in double digits.
Bouchara Van Persie
Muahaha. I don't need to explain this one.
Who better than probably the current best female striker in the world? (Marta is terrific as well, but she's 5'4"). Combine the best striker of each gender and it should be an awesome result. I know this may seem like a very weird couple ( but Mila Kunis dated McCaulay Culkin for the longest time so anything can happen.
I know there is a few things we have to clear up.
1. But Drogba is married, this will never work!
-We can work around this. Remember in 2003, Kobe (allegedly) raped a woman. He came home soon after with a 4 million dollar diamond ring and it was as if his wife's memory was erased like it was Men in Black or something.
-Enter Roman Abramovich. He might as well one up Kobe and buy Drogba's wife the hope diamond. Anyway, Drogba's only doing it for the betterment of the club.
2. Why not Alex Morgan? She's a terrific soccer player!
Alex and I have made a personal decision to spend the rest of our lives together so she will not be a part of this experiment.
If all goes as planned, we should have a legion of Drogba hybrids to wreak havoc on our opponents. Didier will train them from a young age with the help of a select few others and the world will be ours. Thank you fellow Chelsea fans for your support. Keep The Blue Flag Flying High