+++ This is a public service announcement +++
There have been several recent sightings of a mature specimen of Marko Marin in the West London area. The enigmatic creature, which stands approximately one metre (three feet) tall but is deceptively quick for its build, has been known to cause serious injury to defenders, and there several cases of post-traumatic stress disorder after encounters with a Marin reported in Germany over the past few years. However, it is not expected to be aggressive unless provoked.
Although you should not approach this rare, fragile creature too closely without proper authorisation as Marins are severely vulnerable to habitat destruction, poaching and hamstring injuries, the opportunity to observe one of the rarest species of footballer on the planet should not be missed. This Marin is expected to make a brief appearance in the Fulham area on Sunday before it retreats to its usual den, a well-hidden treatment bench in Cobham.