Abramovich bringing the club back to Stamford Bridge

Coming soon to Stamford Bridge, T-Shirt Time.

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That's right. Romes is brining the Shore to SW6. Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is in the process of completing the construction of a £20 million private nightclub below Stamford Bridge. Finally. Not since 2007, when the Purple nightclub boarded up, has the Bridge been fist-pump accessible.

No joke. This is for real. The London Evening Standard says so.

Among the highlights - a four-meter-high waterfall and hydraulically-operated stage. BOOM.

But obviously more extravagance will be needed. Thankfully, The CO is not only a licensed club owner and operator, but also a member of the Guido Fan Club.

Five suggestions from the Chelsea Offside
• Low-cut, sheer Chelsea shirts for the waitresses. Think TechFit, but for sluts. Murder.
• Blue is the Colour (Armin van Buuren remix)
• Arjen Robben. Bring the Dutch winger back in strictly a cage-dancing capacity. The man knows how to party.
• Hire Criss Angel. Permanently.
• Two words: Yakov Smirnoff.

Bonus: A couple of exquisite musical selections for opening night (warning: not exactly work friendly).

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