PL Recap: West Ham 1-3 Chelsea

We're not against rap. We're not against rappers. But we are against those thugs.

parker

parker2

Chelsea survived all types of thuggery in East London to keep their perfect start to the Premier League season intact. A sometimes edgy, mostly comfortable, 3-1 win over West Ham made it four wins out of four for the reigning champions of England.

Player ratings and full match recap after the jump.

Video response: Oh yeah. Scott Parker, you sir are a disgrace. The following jam goes out to you.

To hell with a rehashed game lead. If you long for one, read the Observer.

What you need to know (or, simply the facts)
• We scored three, two of which came from Michael Essien.
• We didn't really get out of third gear. Again.
• As mentioned previously, West Ham are a bunch of hooligans. Tasteless.
• John Obi Mikel is becoming a crown jewel.
• Chris Foy was a joke.
• Avram Grant is a farce. How does he continue getting work?
• Scott Parker is a ****.

Of note
Bison, impeccable
• "It must be an incalculably depressing experience to play against Michael Essien. Seemingly devoid of weakness, the Ghana midfielder consumes opponents relentlessly, then breaks into a grin. West Ham United were the latest on the menu. ..." -Duncan White, Telegraph

I don't know if there is a better description out there than the aforementioned piece of brilliance provided by Mr. White (no Harvey Keitel). West Ham were indeed next on the menu, the Bison feeling not content just with completely overrunning the midfield but turning scorer as well. His two headed goals were as if Andy Gray, pre-hated analyst era, had possessed our Ghanaian destroyer of men.

Frank Lampard was not quite fit from the hernia procedure a week earlier. His absence represented a worry beforehand; not so much during, as Essien controlled the game in the first half in occupying the role usually reserved for Super Frank. He opened the scoring - burying the pinpoint corner delivery from Didier Drogba of all people - just moments after kickoff.

Ramires, starting his first game for the CFC, shifted into said role during the second half and was commendable. Essien, meanwhile, continued to carry an influence all over the pitch. His second, Chelsea's third, was another header of immense quality and capped a marvelous performance. To think, he still hasn't reached full fitness yet. No question this man is better than any new signing anywhere in the world.

Player Ratings
Petr Cech

Much busier than in our previous three fixtures, but was certainly up to standard. Proper handling of his area combined with some fine stops and generally good handling make for an excellent day at the office. 7

Paulo Ferreira
Not the most regarded of players 'round these parts. Nevertheless, the Portugese has been a consistently sound performer thus this season. Saturday was no exception. Peach of a cross for Essien's bracer, Chelsea's third. 8

Branislav Ivanovic
Initially displayed some rust - understandable following the layoff. Rapidly grew into his role alongside EBALJT. Kudos for returning plenty of favors said thugs. 7

John Terry
More of this please. Simply imperious, all afternoon. It is worrisome that so soon after King Carlo implored our captain to inform the club of all injuries, he hit the deck pretty hard and needed a few minutes to collect himself. Pray that this rib injury is minor - and for at least a semi-healthy season. 8

Ashley Cole
More of the same. Same meaning excellence. Completed 69 of 73 passes. The best there is. 7.5

John Obi Mikel
This young man is beginning to amaze. Reaches a peak, regularly topples it. This may well have been his best display in the blue. So calm and comfortable. Now that he's opening up his game, even more versatile. His raking ball to Ferreira in the buildup to our third goal was like his fifth or sixth pass of the sort this season. Wonderful. Peep the distribution below.8.5

Ramires
It's going to take time, obviously. Parker brushed him aside far too often, but he'll learn. Looked excellent at times, so the talent is there. Ready to see the finished product. 6

Michael Essien
A monster. A pair of supreme headers, and a generally dynamic performance from the middle of the park. What more can one ask for? 9

Nicolas Anelka
Enjoyed watching his movement once again. Selfless in his dedication to dropping into midfield to
pick up possession, but not exactly a willing participant once we moved into the final third. 7

Salomon Kalou
Superb finish. 7

Didier Drogba
A little selfish for me. Not that he wasn't effective, but appeared to act on his own more so than he has so far this season. Not blessed with great service, either. 7

Gael Kakuta
Very promising cameo. Looked at home, and never rushed it. Excellent threaded ball for Drogba as well as a nice move to free up some space for a shot. 7

Alex, Florent Malouda
Much too brief for a pair of regular first-teamers. Sall good, though. N/A

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